How to Tell Your Friends and Family You’re Eloping

You did it! You found your partner and you’re thinking of eloping – I am so stoked for you! Are your friends and family already asking you when you’re getting married and where?? I know after getting engaged it can seem like everything gets put into hyperdrive. There are so many different routes you can take to get married. However, the pressure from family and friends to have a traditional wedding can be immense. Trust me, I know! I’ve been in your shoes friend! So how do you break the news you aren’t doing what they want? Well, I have some tips on how to lessen the blow and even get them excited for you!

Start By Dropping Hints

Once you have officially decided you will be eloping it is best to tell your loved ones as soon as possible. However, I suggest starting out slow and dropping a few hints. You can do this at family or on casual phone calls. This can really lessen the blow when it comes to making an official announcement. I personally knew I wanted to elope so I started to bring up the idea of a smaller wedding in conversation with my family and friends. I would say things like, “I really like the idea of having a smaller wedding somewhere outdoors.” I’d also bring up the idea of having a destination elopement and traveling away for our wedding. This really helped me gauge the reaction I may receive when I made the news of us eloping known.

I also mentioned that I wanted something intimate because I am not a fan of being the center of attention. Which lead me into the conversation of how it would make me miserable if I had to say my vows in front of a bunch of people. Having these small conversations can really help you understand your friends and families thoughts. This can help you have an idea of how to approach the topic and answer questions they may have. Additionally, it gives them the knowledge that you really want your wedding to look and feel a certain way. So the idea of you wanting something more intimate and private won’t come as such a surprise.

Tell them Face to Face Your Eloping

I have always been a strong believer that you should tell all important news face to face. This allows you to judge people’s emotions better and it is also more personal. Getting married is a huge milestone for many people and so it is important to treat your elopement as such. Talking face to face allows you to talk through any concerns your family and friends may have and can be addressed immediately.

You don’t want anything to be misconstrued, especially since this day is likely to have many details. It is so so important that you announce this to your closest people before announcing it anywhere else (I’m talking about social media people) this can really hurt the people you love most. Telling them earlier in the process before you have even planned anything can be really helpful because then they could potentially be involved in other ways if they aren’t going to physically be there on your wedding day.

Prepare for Negativity

Many people still think eloping is about running away and getting married in secret but we all know that nowadays that isn’t the case. Eloping today is all about bringing the focus back to what is really important – you and your partner making a commitment with each other in a beautiful and organic way that doesn’t involve any extra fluff.

Many people still aren’t certain what eloping means in this new age of marriage, it is important to prepare for the negative reactions you may get. You will want to stand your ground because you need to do what is best for you and your partner. My recommendation is being prepared to answer any and all of their questions. Make sure you will be able to educate them on what an elopement is, how you plan on executing your elopement, how they can be involved, if they will be involved on the day of or a portion of it, etc. This is crucial to minimizing the impact.

Tell Them WHY Your Eloping

This is huge! If you have a list of all the reasons why you decided to elope in the back of your head, it’s generally hard for people to argue with you. Explaining all of the reasons can really drive home the point that this day is all about YOU and not them. Couples choose to elope because they don’t want the production of a large wedding and all the drama that it can create. Need a list of WHY’s? Here are some to get you started:

  1. You don’t want all the family drama that could potentially occur
  2. You don’t want to have to pick and choose who comes to your wedding
  3. You don’t want to read your vows in front of a bunch of people
  4. You feel like the traditions involved in a standard wedding don’t coincide with what you believe
  5. You would rather have an experience over a party

Involve Them

Once you have announced that you are eloping it is important to explain how your family and friends can still be involved in your wedding day even if they won’t be their physically. There are so many options when it comes to this topic but here are a few that I absolutely LOVE!

  1. Have them write you letters to read on the day of your elopement.
  2. Facetime them after your elopement ceremony or heck, set-up a tripod so they can watch it on a livestream!
  3. Have them help you pick out your wedding attire and accessories.
  4. Plan a reception or photo viewing party.
  5. Have them read a poem or say a few words at your ceremony.

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